Sunday, 27 May 2018

Chapter Two: One Down, Ninety Nine to go!

So I'm one down, ninety nine to go! Well...HE is! Bahahaha! Anyway, baby number one was born last chapter, a girl named Ariel, yes I'm going alphabetical! Let's get making more...

 JARED: Sorry little baby but daddy has to go out! I have no choice, SHE is making me do it!

HEY! 😦

Well he has been asked out by Ulrike Faust, she's a colleague who wants to celebrate his promotion! And what better way to grab baby mama number two eh? 😏

Ulrike is very chatty, she is single and she likes little Jared! They talk for a while and every time I try to get him to flirt with her, he defies me. Little !&%$£*@#!!!

Eventually he turns on the charm...

...and we have progress!

JARED: Would you like to come back to mine?

He didn't mention the tiny detail of Ariel, his baby! πŸ˜•

Well I'm not going to get in the way, I am right on track for getting baby number two, we'll let little Jared cross the Ariel bridge in his own time!

I'm not completely comfortable with them conducting their "business" in the same room as a little baby but...hopefully she will have company soon!

He likes to keep me in suspense, rather than go and make sure he is in fact with child, he feeds and changes little Ariel first!

JARED: You would have me leave her hungry and uncomfortable?

You make me sound like a monster! πŸ˜•

JARED: Excuse me but who is making a MAN have 100 babies???


And we are expecting baby number two! He seems pretty pleased about it!

JARED: Excuse me WHO is having baby number two?

I'm not liking the way you talk back to me boy!

JARED: And yet you can do nothing about it!


He has the day off today, so he spends it doing some his pyjamas! Whatever makes him happy I suppose!

JARED: Pfft, like you care about my happiness!

Well actually I do!

JARED: Liar!

If I didn't care then why would I give you a dog? Hmm?

JARED: Did you hear something KiKi? Nah neither did I!

HEY!!! 😟😞

JARED: Daddy loves his ickle KiKi, yes he does!

So I'm getting the feeling that he doesn't really like me very much! It's just an inkling! Could be nothing, probably my imagination!

Ariel sleeps soundly while daddy grumbles about his morning sickness!

Man up you wimp!

JARED: Man up, do you hear the way she talks to me Ariel??? She's a wicked, wicked woman!

See to your baby and stop your whining!

I wonder if he's going to get dressed any time soon? That's been over 24 hours he's wandered around in his sleepwear!

JARED: Oh look, Judgy McJudgeface is back! I suppose I'm eating too much as well huh?

Well you're doing one of three things; eating, sleeping or peeing!

JARED: And your point is?


Well that's a good sign, dressed AND painting again?

JARED: Gotta make a living!

And while you are making a living...

Kaya is running away! πŸ˜“πŸ˜“πŸ˜“

This does not bode well! Little Jared is really upset his companion ran off! So as suggested he posts an alert, hopefully Kaya will return home soon!

And as if the day couldn't get any worse, Vladislaus Straud has decided to pay Jared a visit! What in the world does he want??? πŸ‘€ πŸ‘€ πŸ‘€

JARED: Oh hey there, come on in!


JARED: Shush I'm lonely, don't hassle me! If an ancient vampire wants to chat I'm not saying no!

Yeah fair enough, he's missing Kaya but Vlad is a nasty piece of work look! He just kicked the bin over! Luckily though, lovely Caleb Vatore is going to save the day!

VLADISLAUS: So I just need minimum a gallon of your blood...
CALEB: Good evening gentlemen!

How did he get in? 

JARED: Good question?

CALEB: Now now Vladislaus, why are you trying to frighten this young mortal?
JARED: I mean a gallon is like...all of my blood...
VLADISLAUS: Vatore! *growl* Who said you could interrupt our pleasant conversation?!?!
JARED: PLEASANT? Are you serious??? Annoying woman who keeps getting me pregnant? Please get rid of the pasty scary dude???

You invited him in, I didn't object or judge, just like you asked!

Thanks to gorgeous Caleb, I didn't have to intervene. Vladislaus Straud went off in the huff.

CALEB: Just you give ol' Caleb a call if he comes back okay?
JARED: Thank you, I'm very emotional right now! *sniff*
CALEB: Ah yes, pregnant mortal male, interesting. Can I see my niece while I'm here?

JARED: Ohhhhh you're Lilith's bro?
CALEB: How did you guess?
JARED: Oh I dunno, the hand gestures are uncanny!


JARED: Ariel is sooooo cute! I just wanna eat her!
CALEB: Oh no don't do that, even I wouldn't do that!

He didn't mean it like that...I don't think!

After acquainting himself with two more vampires, Jared heads off to work and gains himself another promotion!

And as if his day couldn't get any better, Kaya returns home! Albeit a bit dirty and stinky, but with a pressie for daddy! Hmm, I wonder...

JARED: Oh KiKi daddy missed you soooooo much!

Don't get too close, you might catch something?

JARED: Don't care! Love you my baby!

Despite my warnings, pregnant ninny proceeds to bathe Kaya back to her lovely self!

JARED: Aww KiKi you have no idea how much I missed you, where did you go little baby? Huh? Daddy was so worried!

And while Kaya was returning and wreaking havoc, little Ariel aged up!

ARIEL: Where daddy?

A newly clean Kaya has been messing about outside and got dirty again, Ariel seems to be intrigued by her.

ARIEL: Rrrrrufffff! Heeeeeeheeeeee!
KAYA: πŸ˜’

She is an inquisitive child, let's just hope she doesn't stick her fingers in any sockets while her father paints and grumbles!

Ah he's cooking again, it frightens me greatly!

JARED: Mmmm, cake for me!

Eat, sleep and pee! 😯😯😯 Oh and clean up your dirty dishes, dirty birdie!

JARED: I have pains, I don't want pains!

Watch some telly!

JARED: Okay!

Maybe that wasn't such a good idea, I've left him with questions! And I really DO NOT want to know what kind of kids television he was watching where they don't wear pants! 😟😟😟

Ariel the little cherub has so far been quite easy to handle, however it may be a different story when there are two running around, methinks wee Jared may have his hands full! 

JARED: Goodnight my little angel, daddy loves you!
ARIEL: Wuv daddy toooooo!

Aww, how sweet!

Kaya is quite happy to see the little pest sleeping, even though she's perfectly angelic with her father, poor KiKi seems to be a huge fascination for her. 


If a dog could ever speak, I imagine Kaya would be saying "phew" right now!

And yet she is so sweet, how on earth could she be a little terror? Angelic is indeed the word Jared, you are so right! 😁 (Not for loooooong)

I wonder when he is actually going to sell any of his art work, rather than hoarding them and placing them on every wall available.

JARED: Why don't you stop being rude and ask him?

Well you're allowed to not talk to me, am I not entitled to ignore you and have a private conversation with myself?

JARED: Ow! Not again, why do I always go into labour at my easel???

I have no idea!

JARED: God damn it! I hate this part!

Just think, little baby at the end of all this agony?

JARED: Not helping right now!

JARED: Ohhhhhhh boy, it feels like I'm dying! 

Drama queen!

And we have baby number two, a boy! We need a name sweetie!

JARED: Wittle boy!

Yes, name?

So baby number two is called...

JARED: Hello wittle man, I'm gonna call you Blade!

Blade, yes good, I like it!

JARED: Oh no, don't cry! Why is he crying?

You've done this before, come on think!

JARED: Now what do you want?
KAYA: πŸ‘ˆ
ARIEL: Dadeee I has pwesent fur yooooo!
JARED: Yeah I can smell it from here, ugh!

Told you it was going to be harder with two! 

JARED: Come on Ariel, sit still so daddy can get you smelling cute again!

ARIEL: *splashsplashsplash* Hee hee daddy wet now!
JARED: Arrrrggghhhh! Watch my hair kid!

And so it begins! 😊😊😊

To add to his troubles, Ariel is a wanderer! This is going to be GREAT! πŸ˜†

ARIEL: Oooh whassat stuff?

GREAT I tell ya, GREAT! 😁

While Jared panics over Blade waking up and Ariel getting stuck down the toilet, Dina Caliente has come over to visit! Might as well get to work on baby number three eh?


He's becoming rather used to all of this, so why wait around and waste time with small talk when you can just get right down to the kissing...

...and the woo hoo!

JARED: I'm not pregnant!


He's actually a bit sad about it, poor wee soul! Dina has disappeared and little Blade needs his daddy. You okay?

JARED: Fine, why wouldn't I be?

We can try again? Where is Dina?

JARED: Dunno!

He's definitely upset about it!

ARIEL: Daddy I has mades a mess tee hee hee!
KAYA: πŸ‘€
JARED: Good for you! *sigh*


It's worse than I thought, so I invited the other one over to cheer him up, maybe even get the baby ball rolling again?

NINA: Hi handsome!
JARED: I'm busy whaddya want?
NINA: Oh *giggle* you're so cute!
JARED: Whatever, let's go do this thing!

How romantic!

Who knew that not getting pregnant would make him so depressed? But here he is moping around and not remorely interested in pretty young things that turn up at his door!

JARED: I am interested, I was just...non-committal!


Now most guys who get to woo hoo with a pretty woman would be a bit more happy lookin' than that, don't you think? If his heart is not in it, we'll never get baby number three!!! 😑

Ten minutes later...

JARED: You were saying oh cynical, grating, annoying, Scottish voice in the sky?

HEY! 😒 But well done you! Baby number three is on the way!

JARED: Come on trouble, let's get you something to eat!
ARIEL: Finally, I starve here!

ARIEL: Wut is dat?
JARED: Yoghurt!
ARIEL: Wut is dat?

I'm out of here, like now! 😬

JARED: OMG my baby boy is becoming a man!

Er not quite, but he is growing into a little bitty toddler!

And here is toddler Blade! How adorbs is HE???

BLADE: Yuss I is adorbs! *smiles sweetly*

Adorbs and...CHEEKY!

BLADE: Freeeeeeeedom!

And now Kaya's life becomes twice as invasive!

BLADE: Ooooh who is you?

In the meantime Jared has buggered off somewhere and Ariel is so tired she curls up into a ball of cuteness on a chair and falls asleep! Silence is golden, for about two minutes...


ARIEL: Jeebus! Who the blazes is dat wittle freak???

Your brother, baby Blade?

ARIEL: Send him back, do not want!

BLADE: Hey I is doin's her a favour, she gets bad back on dat chair! *smiles sweetly*

You are one to watch out for, and I will watch! πŸ˜”

BLADE: I is just adorbs! *shrug*

Sure you are! 😟

Aww, poor wee thing! Did he scare you?

ARIEL: *sniff* Yuss, and I is sooooo tired!

Well you go have a nice wee sleep, where is your daddy???

Oh there you are!


And here was me thinking you were sitting stuffing your face or painting some atrocious thing on your easel!

JARED: Gee thanks, no I am standing here getting soaked for fun, NOT!

Och well you fixed it, well done! Handiness is a helpful skill!

JARED: Bite me!

Tempting, but I'll decline for now!

JARED: Goodnight little Ariel, love you!
ARIEL: But I just slepts da whole day!!!

They have a new room, and already there is a puddle on the floor!

JARED: Now come on son, time for bed!
BLADE: I objects!

Course you do!

JARED: Goodnight, love you!
BLADE: You sucks!
JARED: Nice! You kiss your mother with that mouth?

He would if you would call her once in a while!

This little cherub has Jared wrapped around his finger, he's decided he's not sleepy! So Jared gives in to him, this will not bode well for the future!

BLADE: I has something ta tell!
JARED: Yes kiddo?

BLADE: You da best daddy everrrrrrr!!!
JARED: Awww! *sniffle*

What a little charmer, he really is! HEY! I suppose Ariel wasn't tired either? Well she did tell him!

JARED: Ain't they cute?

Ummm...when they are asleep yes!

BLADE: You doin's it wrongs silly gurl!
ARIEL: Stuff yooo stinky boy!
JARED: Yup, seriously cute!


JARED: Okay kiddies, time for something yummy like...peanut butter and...
BLADE: Pfft, I is outta here loser!
ARIEL: Daddy Blade is a bad boy!
JARED: Nawww he's just...Blade?

BLADE: Mmmmmm, mines, gimme!

JARED: Please???

Excuse me? He's having a hairy fit and all you can do to discipline the wee brat is to scold him for not saying please??? 😠


So he did!

BLADE: Mines!

JARED: Was it worth it?
BLADE: Yups! *nomnomnom*

You are making a rod for your own back sir!

JARED: Yeah but I am soooooo tired I can't seem to care!

After all that drama with Blade, poor Ariel fell asleep in her high chair! I told you this was going to be a challenge!

Now let's see if he can get them both to bed and keep them there!

JARED: Ariel daddy has a story for you and your brother!
BLADE: *huff* No wants stoooopid story!

JARED: Once upon a time there was a big ugly ogre who liked to eat children who screamed at their daddies!
BLADE: *shudder* Ummm...dis not nice pwease stops!

Well Ariel loved it! She's off to sleepy town!

JARED: And so the ogre ate Blade's head after toasting it on his bonfire, all because he stole his daddy's sandwich off of the kitchen counter!
BLADE: *hides under covers* Eeeeeep!

JARED: And THAT is how you sort out little brats!

Um no, it's really not, but it will do for now as I understand the pressure you are under!

JARED: You shush I'm painting!


I think you should get something to eat, you're turning hangry!

JARED: Yeah yeah you're not the boss of me!

Well actually...

JARED: I made fire, I really wanted pancakes but I got fire instead WHATDOIDO???

Put it out?


Sarcasm is not attractive!


What are you doing you stupid boy? Extinguish it!!!


 Not like that, with a fire extinguisher gosh!

Your method of putting out fires is problematic!

JARED: So what? It worked didn't it?

Once, but maybe not again!

JARED: You're always on my case!

You'll feel better once you've eaten...whatever that is!

JARED: Heaven girl, it's heaven!

Sure thing!

So you're eating eggs?

JARED: I am eating for two, toast for me, eggs for the baby!

Ah okay, that's your excuse for consuming animal based food! Sound logic, NOT!

JARED: Are you mocking me girl?


JARED: I am far too emotional right now to deal with your issues! I need space!

Bahahahahaha! I'm going nowhere little baby making boy! Deal with it!

JARED: Hmmpphh!


JARED: Holy sh*t that is repulsive!


JARED: You don't exist!


Ohhhh you're watching a sci-fi film? It doesn't seem that bad to me! Are you scared of aliens or something?

JARED: Trust you to look when the icky part is over!

Aww are you speaking to me again?



SPACEMAN: Very interesting, the creature responds to music...more specifically a drum beat! Perhaps it mimics the beating of a heart or...

JARED: FFS turn around or you'll be eaten like your colleague, ugh you're so dumb!!!

JARED: There is only so much of this I can take, I'm going to do something productive and life changing...something that will make the world a better place!

Donate your brain to medical science?

Nooooo, he's playing on his guitar! Wow, that's truly a game changer right there!

JARED: Shut.Up!

Well Ariel is enjoying her daddy's playing! Kaya on the other hand...

KAYA: Arooooooooooo!!!

Roughly translated "WTF IS THAT???" Bahahahaha!😰

He's still learning, it will take time before our ears stop bleeding. Ariel likes it anyway, but then again she likes dirt and messing her nappy so...

ARIEL: Daddy I is hungry, munch now pwease?

ARIEL: Thank you caregiver!

Nice butt shot sweetie! 😍

JARED: You need therapy!

I know!

While the kiddies are being fed and watered, Blade decides to fill his nappy with smelly goodness much to the horror of his sister!

Who then decides to do the same! Kids!

ARIEL: If ya can't beat 'em, join 'em!
BLADE: Keep it away frum my sammich!

Poor pregnant boy, once he gets Ariel cleaned up it's Blade's turn! And he is just as disruptive as his big sis, if not more so!

JARED: Stay still my gosh!
BLADE: Daddy my skin is shrinking!
JARED: No you've just been in the water a bit too long, if you stayed still this would all be over quicker!
ARIEL: Splash him Bwadey!

BLADE: Does you wants ta be shrinky too daddy? *splashsplash*
JARED: Ahhhhh no, I'm clean stop!

Ariel taught him well!

It's about time he taught them to go to the potty! Soiling your armour is really not going to go down well when they start school!

Yeah okay! I'm a real neat freak!!! I just thought someone might slip on it! My gosh give me a break there are children in this household...and a heavily pregnant man child!

Poor Ulrike, mother of Blade, is still hung up on my boy! Stop embarrassing yourself sweetheart, he's moved on, you should too!

Too harsh? πŸ˜‘

JARED: So, there's this girl!


JARED: She keeps asking me weird questions!


JARED: Like, how are you and do you like gardening!

I don't see a problem with chatting to a friendly female online!

JARED: It's Nina!

Nina Caliente?


The Nina who's child you are carrying, that Nina?

JARED: The very same one! Why do they keep bugging me?

Because you're cute or...never mind!😢😢😢 I am blushing, I know what they want but I can't say...oh my! 😷😷😷

Ahhhh kiddies to get me out of this awkward conversation! And a singing dog to boot, yay! Not really digging the glued to tablet thing though! The whole point of them learning skills is for a parent to teach them, not a machine! Oh I sound so old! 

Uh-oh, tantrum time, well he hasn't had one in a while so he's entitled I suppose!


BLADE: It's okay I'm cools, daddy comes to save me!

JARED: Little man, what is all the noise?
BLADE: I needs ta know things daddy!
JARED: Okay, like what?

BLADE: Likes...when I grow up and get a beard like you, do I have ta have babies too?
JARED: Um why are you asking this?

Well that sounds like an idea...

JARED: Don't you f*cking dare! No way is my kid doing this!!! I'll cut you!
BLADE: So is dis what happens? Do we have da babies?

I wouldn't I'm messing with you gorgeous!

JARED: Well Blade, the answer is most definitely no because daddy will not allow it! She took me by surprise, she won't do it again...will you?

No no, of course not! You're the boss! (I might) πŸ˜€πŸ˜

While father and son have the baby conversation, the girls are spending quality time together. Ariel is really getting the hang of the blocks while Kaya is taking the rare opportunity to sleep while the toddlers are preoccupied!

ARIEL: Dat puppy snores!

So do you I expect!

ARIEL: Well I don't hears it!

I'm not going to even rise to that bait child!

JARED: Hey there buddy whatchya doin' over there huh?
BLADE: Uh-oh! I is...lookin' fur da Loch Ness Monsta!
JARED: I...seeeeeee!

BLADE: Daddy you very fat now!
JARED: Don't change the subject, you are NOT to play in the toilet okay?
JARED: Because it's dirty!
JARED: Because we do dirty things down there!


BLADE: Daddy where your baby come from?
JARED: Come on kid gimme a break will ya???

This is sooooooo good! And he is sooooooo naughty I love it!

Alright there mama?

JARED: You're a real pain in my ass you do know that right?

Yes, but I'm a loveable pain in the ass, yes?

JARED: A definite no girl, you're killin' me here!

Not yet, but I might if you don't stop whining like a child!

And he's tending to his garden, that's good, I like him to have a hobby that doesn't involve being cooped up inside!

JARED: It is very peaceful and it stops me from wanting to kill you so...we both win!

Nice! 😏

JARED: Ohhhhhh no, it's happening again!

But on the plus side you're not painting this time!

JARED: Yes that was my first thought when my body started BEING RIPPED APART FROM THE INSIDE!!!

JARED: Oh God I just peed everywhere, or my water broke!

No sims waters don't break, you just made a puddle when you were watering your plants!

JARED: Ah, okay that's so confusing and wrong at the same time...I gotta go!

Yes go have the baby...NOW!!!

JARED: I must be crazy to let you do this to me!

I don't, I get other sims to do it for me!

JARED: That still doesn't make it any less abusive and bad and I hate you owwwwww!!!

Maybe one day I will do it to you, my simself I mean! 😏

JARED: Ewww sicko!

Yes I have been told this many times!

Anyway we have another girl, and her name shall be?

JARED: Coral!
BLADE: Um, excuse me who is dis pink thing?

JARED: There you go Coral, my little cutie pie!
BLADE: Nope nope nope, put her back in! She stinky, she pink and stinky and yucky nope nope nope!!!

Uh-oh, tantrum in

So just after giving birth to her daughter, Jared is bombarded with calls and texts from Nina Caliente! I mean she is worse than Lilith Vatore, much much worse!!! So much so that... looks like we have a stalker on our hands...

End of Chapter Two!

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